if you like me you must not know who I am
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
