He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
