"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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