Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
