I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
