I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
