Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
