Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
