Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
