We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
