first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Every concussion has its silver lining
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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