apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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