I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
