You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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