Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
