i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
