I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
