I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
