Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
