Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
