Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
