theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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