i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
