I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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