About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
