dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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