Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
