I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
