im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
