I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
