how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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