party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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