Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
