All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
