Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
