I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
