im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i would punch a child for taco bell
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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