did you get engaged???
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
