We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
