Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
