I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
