sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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