Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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