Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
