He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
