I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
