It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
