whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
