I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
