I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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