So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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