I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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