I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My vagina is officially offended.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
