I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
