chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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