My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
