Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
