Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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