I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
