every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
