So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
