I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
