The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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