i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
