When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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