You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
