come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How's work?
Spinning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
