I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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