I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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