Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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