I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
