so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
