dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
