At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
