just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So squirting runs in the family.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Randomize
