so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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