MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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