Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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