did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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